Respect, Boundaries and Relationships

Statistics show that 40 to 50 percent of marriages end in Divorce, 60 percent of second marriages also end in divorce while both partners with children from a previous relationship have a 30% success rate. If those numbers don't make you want to run now, then you're probably on the higher end of your marriage succeeding, but not indefinitely.

Yesterday I brought my two bonus sons along with me while I was out running my usual errands. Having a new baby in the house has aroused some inquiring minds in our home since we are a blended family. They have a father who is no longer with their mother, and my 2 daughters who have a mother no longer with their own father, and here they all share a sister with their parents who does not have to share the same 50/50 lifestyle they have. So, those of you with children who have the curious minds that wander, I'm sure you're familiar with the question "Why aren't you with my mommy/daddy anymore?". My fiancé works a lot which makes me the house who spends the most time with the kids which also means I'm the one who is always asked all these questions that even Siri can't answer. We got to talking about relationships and how hard they are. Intimate relationships, friendships and even your relationship with siblings. They're all so important even if it's temporary! My youngest made the comment "Just like my dads relationship with my mom was temporary" and at first, I wasn't sure how to respond to that. What do I say to a child who doesn't understand why his parents didn't work out, but also why I'm with his dad now instead? And also, NOT sound like I'm tearing his own mother down?

I took this opportunity to teach a lesson of responsibility. I think it is so easy for us to blame the other person for why our relationship didn't work out. They were liars. They were cheaters. They were abusive. They were alcoholics. They! They! They! But what about us? Did I ever lose my temper? Did I ever say mean things that hurt them? Did I ever put the effort in to make them feel I DID appreciate them at all? With the exception of Domestic Violence Survivors, the truth is that we are also responsible for these failed relationships. Whether it be that we did not set boundaries, that we were not respectful... I could go on. I told them both how important it is to take care of our relationships even if they're temporary. Just because you have children with someone does not mean you're going to spend the rest of your life with that person! If that's not the plan, then that is not the plan. Even if we do not choose to continue a relationship with someone, we still need to be respectful. So my encouragement to them was to take care of their future relationships and the ones they have now.

Using my own relationship with their father as an example, I explained communication is number one along with the five love languages. How many of you are familiar with this book? This is a book my fiancé and I have read a few times now, taking turns reading to each other every night. We came up with this idea back when we were struggling to find time at the end of our days to give to each other because we were both working and found it almost impossible to get time alone anymore. So we would set 30 minutes aside every night before to read together.

This is a faith based book, which even for someone who is not religious, teaches good moral and communication in your relationship to help it thrive. The Author, Gary Chapman, covers the different forms of how we choose to give and receive love.

1. Words of Affirmation

2. Quality Time

3. Receiving Gifts

4. Acts of service

5. Physical Touch

I am no relationship guru, but I have had my fair share of unhealthy relationships and see how this book has changed my outlook on love and I've been able to have a healthy relationship with boundaries and respect. Being a mom now, I hold my standards for relationships up higher than I did before, because now I have to live a life of leading by example. These children are watching me and what I do. How I handle things. And the kind of people I choose to let in my life. As a mother of a blended family home, it's become my own duty to raise children with higher expectations of self love and respect and how to treat others the same way. I WANT to raise children who see the man of the house being praised and I WANT them to see a man treating a woman with love. And I WANT them to see us disagree with each other and work through it! It's easy to walk away when it gets hard, but what a victory in a relationship it is to overcome a trial in and come to a resolution and grow in love. It is so important for us to teach our children that, otherwise we will continue to raise children to repeat the cycle.

"Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. The little things are the big things." - Excerpt from the Book: The Art of Marriage

Click the Link below to get an audible book of The Five Love Languages; By Gary Chapman