Breathing, Grounding, and Healing: Caring for Your Mental Health as a Parent

Parenthood is one of the greatest gifts of my life, but it has also been one of the most challenging journeys for my mental health. Between past trauma and the struggles of co-parenting with someone I am still learning to heal from, there are days when the weight feels overwhelming. I’ve learned that tending to my mental health is not selfish… it’s what makes me a better parent.

Breathing Through Panic Attacks

One of the tools that has helped me most is breathing. Panic attacks can come on suddenly, leaving you feeling like your chest is tight and the world is closing in. On one particularly hard day, I had a panic attack in front of my children. I felt powerless in that moment but what happened next reminded me of the resilience we build when we model healing for our kids.

My children gently reminded me of the “J breathing” method I had taught them years ago during my pregnancy with their younger sister, a technique I learned in hypnobirthing classes. They began guiding me, showing me how to breathe in deeply and then exhale in a slow, controlled “J” shape like blowing down and out through a straw. Watching them use what I once taught them to now help me was both humbling and healing.

This technique not only calms the nervous system but also creates a rhythm the body can lean on when everything else feels chaotic. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the very lessons we pour into our children come back to hold us up when we need them most.

Box Breathing: A Calming Practice

Another technique I use is box breathing. It’s a simple but powerful way to slow your body down and bring your mind back into the present moment.

Here’s how it works:

• Inhale for 4 seconds.

• Hold your breath for 4 seconds.

• Exhale slowly for 4 seconds.

• Hold again for 4 seconds.

Repeat this cycle as many times as you need.

As you breathe, allow yourself to picture a place or memory that makes you feel safe and happy… maybe the beach, your backyard, or a cherished moment with your children. With each inhale, notice the parts of your body where you’re carrying pain, stress, or hurt. With each exhale, imagine yourself releasing that pain, letting it flow out of your body with your breath.

Box breathing helps quiet racing thoughts, lowers stress hormones, and signals to your body that it’s okay to come out of “fight or flight” mode.

The Power of Grounding

Grounding is another practice that has become essential for me. It’s the act of bringing yourself back into the present moment, often by reconnecting with your senses and the earth around you. For me, that often means stepping outside, taking my shoes off, and feeling the grass or dirt beneath my feet.

When we ground ourselves, we give our bodies a chance to regulate. Our heart rate slows, our racing thoughts begin to quiet, and our nervous system receives the message that it’s safe to calm down. The earth has a way of reminding us that we are supported, even when our minds feel scattered.

Healing From the Past

Living with the effects of trauma and the ongoing challenges of trauma can take a toll. It’s not always visible, but the exhaustion, the anxiety, and the emotional triggers can make parenting feel harder than it already is. I am still in the process of healing, still learning how to carry these pieces of my past without letting them define my future.

There are moments when the pressure builds, when the noise in my head drowns out everything else, and when my kids witness me at my most vulnerable. But I’ve come to realize that allowing them to see my humanity, my struggles and my healing, also shows them that it’s okay to have hard moments. It’s okay to need tools, to pause, and to ask for help.

Why Mental Health Care in Parenthood Matters

There is a misconception that prioritizing your mental health as a parent is selfish. The truth is the opposite: when we care for our mental health, we parent from a place of strength, patience, and compassion. We break cycles. We give our children not just our love, but our example of resilience and self care.

Parenthood isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. And sometimes, the most powerful way to show up for our kids is to show them that we are human and that healing is possible.

Closing Thought: If you’re reading this and struggling with your own mental health as a parent, please know that you’re not alone. Your well-being matters. Taking time to breathe, to ground yourself, and to care for your own healing is not selfish. It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give to your children and to yourself.