Marriage Advice You Asked For, From a Woman Who Talks to Herself in the Shower and burns breakfast.

We just took a road trip to Fort Jackson to watch my cousin graduate from the Army and let me tell you, I’ve never cried so much while smiling. I’m beyond proud of her and all the young men and women who step up for our country. It was powerful, emotional, and gave me a whole new appreciation for courage… and for gas station peanuts, because that drive was long.

On the way home, one of my younger teen cousins hit me with, “What makes a successful marriage?” My cousin driving says “Marry a guy from Arkansas” (my husband) And of course, I responded with my usual sarcastic wisdom: “Don’t marry a single parent.” (Spoiler alert: I married a single parent.)

Truthfully, blending a family is like baking without a recipe. It’s messy, and chaotic…. And I can’t cook. Literally. But somehow it still turns out sweet if you add enough grace. It’s not easy. But I wouldn’t change it for anything.

I told her this: “Never go to bed angry… but also know when to leave each other alone before someone ends up sleeping on the couch.” You might marry someone who needs to cool off before talking and someone else who needs to hash it out right then. Either way, it’s not you vs. them. It’s both of you vs. the problem… and maybe vs. the dishes that still haven’t been done.

When I was younger, I thought marriage looked like a Disney princess montage. At 18, I got my first real boyfriend, and let’s just say it was not animated, magical, or accompanied by singing woodland creatures. I’ll save that story for another day, but I will say this: that relationship taught me exactly what I didn’t want.

Fast forward to 23, I’m a single mom and preschool teacher, and I meet this dad who picks his sons up on time, bags packed, snacks included, ready for preschool battle. I was like “who is this unicorn of a man and how is he so smart AND hot?”

Once his son graduated from my class, I made the first move (because feminism. Also relationships last longer when women make the first move). We got to talking about life, parenting, exes, and everything in between. What sealed the deal? He didn’t have a bad word to say about anyone. Not his ex. Not his parents. NOT EVEN ABOUT TRAFFIC!

That’s when I knew. He’s empathetic, humble, hands-on, and never late for pick-up? Yep. I was gonna marry that man. What I didn’t know was the future conversations we’d be having….

So… what actually makes a marriage successful?

Honestly? I’ve looked at everybody’s relationships… mine, my parents, my grandparents’, my in-laws…. Friends…. Hell even celebrities. And we basically did this- took what worked, ignored what didn’t, and made notes of all the red flags we never wanted to recreate, like passive-aggressive dish slamming or storming out of the house in our car and disappearing.

It’s been trial, error, and a lot of snacks (my husband packs all the snacks remember?) but we’re still standing.

Now, let’s talk about the real plot twists that cause the most arguments in marriage:

1. Money – Do we need another Amazon package? (If you’re like me, you said yes 😝)

2. Household Chores – Apparently, the dishwasher is just for decoration and a woman’s chore?

3. Communication – “I’m not mad.” Yes. Yes, they are.

4. Intimacy – Are you “tired” tired or just ‘don’t feel like it’ tired? Also, your emotions in your relationship HUGELY effect your sex drive. This conversation also includes faithfulness.

5. Parenting – Why is bedtime a full blown negotiation every night? Or Why the kids need to help with household chores.

6. Time – So you had time for TikTok or work calls, but not this conversation?

Here’s the deal: if you can’t talk about these things with your partner, without someone fake coughing “whatever” or emotionally retreating like a groundhog and raising their voice… you’re not building a marriage, you’re hosting a very long, awkward sleepover with someone of the opposite sex.

Marriage isn’t about always agreeing. It’s about disagreeing like adults who don’t want to poison each other’s coffee and moving forward to find a solution. The key to a successful marriage is saying “How do we get through this TOGETHER”. It’s not worth the anger and resentment.

So before you get swept up in Pinterest boards and wedding hashtags, ask yourself “Can we survive a difficult conversation without breaking up?” If yes, congrats, you might just make it.

Recently what my husband and I started doing is date nights in the jeep. We go cruising. What is more romantic than finding secret spots and enjoying the view? Counting the stars. Creating a playlist of throwback songs and enjoying the days of our youth when life was easier? Recreate that with each other even if you didn’t know each other when you were young and wild.

Here’s our encouragement for you in marriages…. Write a list of all the things your spouse does that makes you feel loved and honored. Share it with them. It feels good to be reminded of all the reasons you fell in love. And of all the reasons you continue to fall in love.

Then when you find yourself getting angry or annoyed… pull that list out and ask yourself “Am I protecting my pride, or fighting for my person? Am I reacting from emotion, or responding with intention? Is this really worth a fight, or am I just hungry and dramatic?” Cause honey sometimes you just need to order tacos and queso….

And truthfully? Marriage is fun!!! Because God didn’t just design it to be work, He designed it to be joy. It’s laughter after a long day, dancing barefoot in the kitchen, and finding humor even in the holy mess of raising kids and whatever other animal I walked through the door with. It’s praying together and then playfully arguing over who left the socks on the floor or whose dish is in the sink. It’s having someone who knows your soul and still thinks you’re cute in a hoodie, messy bun, and mood swings. Marriage is fun because God gives us someone to do life with. To laugh, to love, to build, and to walk through the fire and the funny with. And when He’s at the center, even the hard days come with a peace and a joy that this world just can’t give.