Blended Family Fears

As a mom, fear comes naturally. We tend to be more over protective than fathers and choose to stand close by so any accident can immediately be attended to by us. But what do we when we know we are going to face trials that are completely out of our control? Kids grow up and those boo boos we kiss and fevers we help break turn into more than just easy medical attentiveness. Even as young children, there is an underlying issue we can't see that is only building in our little ones. And it all starts the second mom and dad split up and the other brings a new person into the home.

I am part of one of the most amazing mom groups on Facebook and was asked a few months ago to help Admin the After Dark page. It is so full of encouragement inside the bedroom and also a free space to allow women to embrace their dark and sexual sides. With the impact I've seen on these women as they reach out and get advice from other women, I figured this was my opportunity to help form a group specifically for blended family moms. The roles each parent plays in a blended family is so important. We're not parents trying to take the place of others, we're not parents who moved on to find a newer or better family. But we all have one thing in common... Thats displacement in the home. Whether we are the ones who feel that way or the children do.

I am both a bio mom in our house and also the bonus mom. Again and again, I feel I am the one at the bottom of the totem pole, trying to meet the needs of children who also go to and from another home with a different lifestyle and boundaries and that maybe I'm not making them as happy as they deserve to be. And there have been so many obstacles that have stood in the way of being balanced in our home. And my fear is that there never will be. In my Blended Families group, I asked the other moms what some of their biggest fears are as a blended family, and my heart broke reading some of the responses. There are so many different dynamics to being a blended family. In my case, I have two daughters from a previous relationship, Dusty has two boys from his previous relationship, and together we have one little girl. We both have 50/50 custody but with a separate schedule so we have the kids only 3/4 of the time and new a baby full time. But in reading the answers that followed my original post, I couldn't help but feel more fearful of more than I was already feeling.

My fear as a blended family is that as my children and bonus children get older, they will build resentment towards their step siblings or step parent and we will be forced to have to choose between the children or our relationship. Thankfully, having a man who values the relationship as much as I do undoubtedly reassures me that when a moment ever approaches, we will work together as one to resolve the issue. But the thought still crosses my mind that one day we will face the famous four words.. "You're not my parent". Sometimes, as parents, we can make a mess of the unnecessary. We say the wrong things, we break hearts and let our children down, and in a blended home, we can make our children feel inadequate of our love and affection.

It's not fair for children to fall into the pits of what comes from an empty and hateful past relationship. One thing I am working on myself is lifting up my daughters father in conversations that his name is brought up. They know the relationship was unhealthy, but I feel it's so important for them to know that we still respect each other as parents and that we will do whatever we need to do to give them a healthy and happy fulfilled life. I am so grateful that I am also able to get along with their stepmom. She has been such a blessing to my daughters and their family, and significantly helped my ex to be such an amazing father. But we have to tell our children that. Children can feel the tension in divided homes and our jobs as parents are to protect their hearts. Unfortunately, I don't get the opportunity to have a civil relationship with my bonus sons bio mother, but because I am the mother in this home, it is my responsibility to instill love, securityand trust in them just as I do my own daughters.

Subscribe to my blog and share with me some of your fears in your home or situations that you and your family were able to work through and over come! We could use all the support and advice we can get and would love to share success stories in our blended families group!